A 110-year-old man is having his annual
checkup. The doctor asks him how he's feeling.
"I've never felt better," he replies. I've got an eighteen-year-old bride
who's pregnant with my child. What do you think about that?"
The doctor thinks for a moment and says, "Let me tell you a story. I
know a guy who's an avid hunter. He never misses a season but one day he's in
a bit of a hurry and accidentally grabs his umbrella instead of his gun. So,
he's walking in the woods near a creek and suddenly spots a beaver in some
brush in front of him. He raises his umbrella, points it at the beaver,
squeezes the handle, and BAM! the beaver drops dead in front of him."
That's impossible," said the old man in disbelief, "someone else must
have shot that beaver!"
"Exactly", said the doctor.
~~~~~
What's the difference
between beer nuts and deer nuts?
Beer Nuts are around a dollar seventy-nine, and deer nuts are just under a
buck!
~~~~~
A group of friends went deer hunting and
paired off in twos for the day. That night, one of the hunters returned
alone, staggering under the weight of an eight-point buck.
"Where's Henry?"
"Henry had a stroke of some kind. He's a couple of miles back up the
trail."
"You left Henry laying out there and carried the deer back!?!"
"A tough call," nodded the hunter, "but I figured no one is going to
steal Henry."
~~~~~
Two hunters went moose hunting every
winter without success. Finally they came up with a foolproof plan. They got
a very authentic cow moose costume and learned the mating call of a cow
moose.
The plan was to hide in the costume, lure the bull, then come out of the
costume and shoot the bull. They set themselves up on the edge of a
clearing, donned their costume and began to give the moose love call.
Before long their call was answered as a bull came crashing out of the
forest and into the clearing. When the bull was close enough, the guy in
front said, "OK, lets get out and get him."
After a moment that seemed like an eternity, the guy in the back
shouted, "The zipper is stuck! What are we going to do!?"
After a moment that seemed like an eternity, the guy in the back
shouted, "The zipper is stuck! What are we going to do!?"
The guy in the front says, "Well, I'm going to start nibbling grass, but
you'd better brace yourself.
~~~~~
A guy goes hunting and gets lost in the woods.
Remembering the universal distress signal of 3 shots, he fires 3 shots into
the air and waits. After an hour he fires 3 more shots. Another hour goes by
and still no one comes to help. Preparing for the next sequence he says to
himself, “I hope somebody comes this time because these are my last three
arrows.”
